Inexplicable Ohio home design

My neighborhood seemed normal to me growing up. Then, somewhere in the past 20 years, it started looking decidely retro (that's happening with a lot of things lately). Ohio never really recovered from the late 70s and it shows. Many of the houses and buildings are a time capsule of the boom years, which has a sort of charm to it - when you accept that what you have is a 70s house, like the one above, not a manored estate, plantation or farm.



Instead there's a lot of this going on - 70s house with Victorian gingerbread.

Then there's this. Cute house but where is the door?

You can tell the 90s houses because cars get as much room as people. There's nothing prettier than a great big garage door out front and center unless it's two great big garage doors.

Why is House Hunters always on?

It's like the Walker, Texas Ranger of HGTV. Ubiquitous yet inexplicable. Every time I turn the TV on, it's on. Is there such a vast audience for watching whining childless couples who require three bedrooms and two and a half baths?

What about Chuck Norris as the host of House Hunters? "Don't like this house? How about a roundhouse? I think you'll get a real kick out of it."

Now this I would watch.

Frugerati - you heard it here first

The folks over at slate.com posted a story on frugality websites and blogs, the difference between being frugal and being cheap, and why being a snob will hurt you during a recession.

That's the disappointing thing about the Internet - you think you're slightly original and then you find out there is an entire online community dedicated to your individual quirk. I used to think I was the only person who obsessed over what chairs to put with a Docksta table (and who recognized it as a Saarinen knockoff), until I stumbled on apartmenttherapy.com. It turns out there are about a million of us.



Now, with the economy in the toilet, everybody is frugal. So, just for the record, I've decided this is not a frugality blog.

• First of all, frugal is such an ewww word. It has a ring of deprivation to it.


• Cost-savings tips are boring. (Pay off your credit card. Cook lentils. Zzzzzz.)


• I am a snob. I just happen to be a broke snob.
  

So, what is Bromeliad Living if it's not a frugality blog? It's about the stuff I've enjoyed on other people's blogs:

• amusing commentary


• aesthetically pleasing do-it-yourself projects


• pretty pictures


• good deals


• pretty pictures


• useful information

It's about enjoying beautiful things and fun experiences independent of income. It's equal parts frugality and elitism.

It's the beginning of. . . the frugerati.

Ha, finally my own digital niche. Go ahead, Google it. It ain't out there.

Hands off that craft kit

According to The New York Times, craft stores had higher sales this year because people were trying to save money by making homemade gifts. This is a bad idea for a number of reasons:

1. You and your glue gun cannot beat out East Asia on price.

2. Crafting is a lot like auditioning for American Idol or wearing a thong to the beach - one of those things that many try but few can pull off with dignity. Unless you graduated from art school or are part of that .2% of the human population with real talent, your craft will be ugly. Trust me on this. It will also tend to be of a useless nature.

3. Ugly crafts are only appreciated when given by children. (Valerie, if you ever happen to read this - You know that seashell topiary I gave you? Get rid of it. I don't know what I was thinking.)

4. Because craft supply people know all about point 2, they try to make crafts that even an idiot could do. Don't you feel silly punching fancy holes in paper? Making a little house out of foam? You should.

If you really want something cheap and sustainable, give a pre-owned gift. My mother is the queen of second-hand gifts, which is why there's an Ann Taylor cashmere sweater hanging in my closet, my friends receive vintage jewelry, and my baby cousins get new-to-them toys and books every week. Nobody sniffs at the lavender Goodwill tag she sometimes forgets to peel off the bottom. The gifts are higher quality than we cheap people would normally buy and often one of a kind. If we don't like them, we give them to somebody else.

The creativity comes in sifting out the right item for the right person, which means digging through a lot of junk, a craft of its own. If you're new to this, here are a few tips to get you started:

• Never pass up a free or extremely cheap basket. Baskets are great for corraling a bunch of small interesting things that aren't enough for a gift on their own. Don't buy a new basket. America is filled with baskets.


• Never pass up a decent picture frame. Rip out the ugly picture that's in it and order a flattering print of your friend, her kids, her dog, house or whatever. If you must glue something to it, make it easy to pick off.


• Save shower gift sets. They make great regifted gifts for the purpose of regifting. Nobody actually uses a shower set. They put it in a drawer for when they need a gift.


• It must be clean and undamaged. Bonus points if it still has the tags. Double bonus points if the tag says Bloomingdales.
  

The Day the Earth Stood Still

I'm a big fan of metallics, especially silver. Silver flats. Silver purses. Silver belts. There's only one way to do silver wrong: the full metal jacket. I've seen a lot of these around the city lately, but there's something just not right about a silver down coat.

Klaatu barada nikto.